


Almost

by Kamira



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: M/M, Masturbation, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-22
Updated: 2017-01-22
Packaged: 2018-09-18 21:10:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9402980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kamira/pseuds/Kamira
Summary: Kaneki turned his face, trying his best not to blush. That's why he had demanded that Arima didn’t stay at the same place as he did. It was over. They were over.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Leonee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leonee/gifts).



> Thank you, Le.  
> I don't know what I would do without you.

Airplanes had always seemed so far from his world that seeing so many take off as he stared from the airport window was unbelievable. Something he thought that would never even get close to. His mother had never had enough money for them, and after her death, he was left alone. Kaneki had started studying and the dream had been left untouched. Planes, traveling… They were all too impossible for someone like him.

Even so, sometimes Kaneki would gaze up at the sky, catching a glimpse of the little white thing, flying so far away from Tokyo. Hide would say, ''Where do you think that's going?'' and he would follow it up by some English words to let Kaneki know of his progress in the new language.

Hide probably would have loved to go to America, and Kaneki would have been happy to go with him.

 

***

 

Kaneki sighed, sipping the last of his coffee. His boarding would be in a few minutes according the announcement that had been made. He took one last look at the plane he would be flying in for many hours to come. It was blue and small, nothing like he had imagined.

Gripping his suitcase, with his passport held tightly in his hands, he walked towards the boarding lounge where the other investigators were awaiting the flight. He had preferred sitting at a place far away from them. Especially since _he_ was there.

Complicated wasn't the right word. He really didn't know how to describe his relationship with Arima. It had started when he was still Haise, and had come to an end when he became Kaneki again. After the last mission, his memories had come back in an intense wave of fear and suffering. He had spent countless nights awake, intense headaches making him slam his head on the wall. He knew even if he broke his skull, this pain wouldn't go anywhere, and the memories would continue to come. Reminding him everything he had forgotten as Haise. _Everything_.

He fought with Arima. He screamed at him with his eyes filled with angry tears but the man didn't show any emotion. He didn’t even budge as Kaneki collapsed in tears and fell apart. It truly was impossible for them to continue this relationship, wasn't it? Still, some nights he would miss his voice, telling him of his tedious day as Haise prepared dinner. It was something that Haise had come to love, Arima’s touch on his body, his warmth… After that day, the nights had become so cold, so lonely.

Kaneki arrived in the lounge which was now crowded with investigators, some of them saying goodbye to their families, eating or simply talking. They probably wanted to relax as much as possible since much stress awaited them in the following days.

Their motive was simple: they would be staying in Germany for a few weeks. The Rose case had thought to have been closed but something had come up. CCG of Japan was tasked with handling it as they had been the ones investigating Rose in the first place. Only the best were chosen and, of course, he had been put in the list immediately.

Kaneki stared at the people around him. What he was supposed to do now? What would Haise do? He felt uncomfortable, his memories not letting him act normally. Was it hatred? Spite? He didn't know.

''Haise!'' Called Kuramoto suddenly on his side, ''I was starting to think you would stay!'' He said in his usual friendly manner, pulling the boy out of his thoughts. Kaneki turned his head to stare at the man who had just put his arm around his shoulders in an affectionate way. Haise surely was a strange person.

''No. I was just...'' His voice died on his throat. A flash of familiar white hair caught his attention. ''I was just...'' The boy started again, mumbling some words, but they died again when he saw the man completely.

It had been a while since the last time he had seen him. Maybe two months? Maybe more. The last time was when Yoshitoki had convoked a meaning to discuss the travel. Kaneki arrived late and Arima left early. Not that they had done it on purpose, of course not. The two just agreed it would be the best if they avoided being in the same place... Well, it was Kaneki's demand and the other man had been left with no choice but to accept.

Arima was in his black suit. His white hair was perfect as usual, contrasting with the dark color. Sometimes Haise would mess with it, just to disrupt the man’s startling perfection. He was standing with one of his suitcases in hands. From its dark color Kaneki deduced he was holding IXA. Probably the other quinques were in the airplane already. Cautious, huh?

Arima was observing the place, his chin was lifted slightly as he turned his head to look around. And finally, like gravity his eyes found him.

Kaneki had been staring at the man the whole time, having glued his eyes on him. He just couldn't turn away from those grey eyes when they met his. Chills ran down his entire body and he found himself losing track of his surroundings. Once again, he had to fight against that feeling. He had decided. This was for the best.

Arima just stared back. Someone walked up to talk to him but he just ignored them. He continued staring at Kaneki with a dark aura, as if he had done something really wrong. But at the same time, the passion he always showed when they were alone was present in that single glance.

Kaneki turned his face, trying his best not to blush. That's why he had demanded that Arima didn’t stay at the same place as he did. It was over. _They_ were over.

''I was just watching the planes.'' He scratched his neck and gave a smile to the man.

''Oh, you had never been in one, right?'' Itou continued the conversation ignoring the previous moment. ''You don't need to be afraid, but you can hold my hand if you feel the need'' He took the boy's hand in his and gave another smile.

Kaneki looked back at Arima but the man wasn't there anymore. ''I don't think so,'' he said, his rude tone making the smile in the man's face disappear. ''I mean... I don't think I will need it. I will probably just sleep the entire time.'' He laughed falsely remaking his phrase, and it seemed the investigator believed him.

''Well, we need to go... And prepare yourself. It will be tiring.'' Itou started to walk towards the boarding area where the other investigators had already lined up and were waiting to check in.

Kaneki sighed, holding his suitcase tighter. It would be easy. No one knew about his secret. Nothing bad would happen. He would come back and save Hinami... It was just for a couple of weeks.

And with those thoughts, he walked to check in.

 

***

 

The moment he stepped into the hotel, he knew the government of Germany had spent a lot of money for their visit. The fancy chandeliers and intricate tapestries... The decorations were gold plated. Or perhaps they were gold itself. Kaneki wouldn’t be surprised if they were. The place was more luxurious than he could ever imagine. A big and expensively decorated hall, sofas and armchairs made of the most prized velvet, champagne at their service. They surely wanted to impress their guests.

He wasn't in the best mood to enjoy their generosity, however. The flight had been even worse than he thought it would be. Turbulence was frequent and he couldn't hold himself from fidgeting in his seat. He even considered the possibility of holding Itou's hand at one point. The man, sensing his discomfort, managed to distract him with puns instead. He didn’t enjoy them like he used to but he appreciated it nonetheless. When Kaneki finally was on solid ground, he almost died at the thought of come back to that airplane again.

He rang the bell placed on top of the mahogany desk, brown and very polished. A beautiful woman wearing a white dress came to the reception and smiled at him politely.

''How may I help you, sir?''

''Hello, my name is...'' He paused for a few seconds, reminding himself that he was still posing as a CCG investigator. ''I'm Sasaki Haise, I'm with the CCG and I would like the keys to my room, please.'' Kaneki gently spoke.

''I will check here, sir. One minute, please.'' She then started to type in the computer and Kaneki heard his name being called from behind.

''Associate Special Class Sasaki.'' The boy turned his head to the person. Matsuri.

''What I can do for you, Special Class Washuu?'' Kaneki spoke, not a tiny bit of emotion in his voice. The man sighed as if he didn't want to be conversing with him. To be honest, neither did Kaneki.

''As you can see, the government of Germany was very generous in providing us with this luxurious accommodation.'' He began, cleaning the glasses with the hem of his shirt. ''And as a token of our gratitude, we will attend to a dinner tonight. It's extremely important that all investigators are present.''

Kaneki stared at the man who was looking at nowhere specific. He appeared to be tired. He had dark circles under his eyes.

''Understood,'' Kaneki said, looking at the woman again, a silent request for her to start talking so he could end that uncomfortable conversation.

''And tell that to Arima too, please.''

Kaneki turned his head so fast at the man, he could have broken his neck. ''What...'' But Matsuri was already far away from him to listen his question.

The boy sighed, running his fingers on the balcony railing. The last thing he wanted to do was talk with Arima. He supposed he would ask for some other investigator to warn him. Simple as that.

''Sir...''The woman called. ''I'm afraid that your keys are already with your partner,'' she said shyly.

Kaneki expression went blank as the woman spoke. He blinked a few times. ''Pardon me?''

''W-Well, the Hotel didn't have the exact numbers of rooms to accommodate all the investigators in individual rooms so the management had to place two or three investigators together in the same room. I'm s-so sorry if they didn't inform you,'' She said quickly nervous.

''Ok. Ok.'' He said, trying to calm himself down. ''Can you give me the room number then?''

''It's 214, second floor, sir.''

''Thank you.'' Kaneki gave a weak smile before he started to walk towards the stairs.

He hoped the person in his room wasn't _him._ It would be a disaster if he had to stay with Arima for 3 weeks in the same room but Kaneki had already linked the dots, he wasn't a fool.

Had Arima done this? Whispered in the Washuu's ears that he needed to be with the ghoul because he was dangerous, that if he tried something Arima should be there to stop him? Kaneki shivered. Or maybe it was his superiors’ idea, having him stay with the most dangerous investigator to keep him in line.

Kaneki inhaled deeply when he stopped in front of the door with the number 214 on it. He didn't know why his heart was pounding so fast when he knocked. It could be just his imagination working in the worse scenario.

But when the white-haired man opened the door, he could feel his soul leaving his body.

"Special Class Arima."

"Sasaki."

They stared at each other, neither knowing what to do next. Arima was staring at him, surprised but he gave him space, so the boy could entering in the room. After a few exchanged glances, Kaneki sighed, finally moving his body and entering the bedroom. It was big - of course, for someone in an important position like Arima, it must be.

Seeing the room had two separate beds, he felt he could breathe again. The last thing he needed would be having to sleep in the same bed as the man. The bed sheets were made of black satin, and the pillows were most likely filled with plumes. They had to be really soft. Kaneki couldn't wait to lay his body on that delicious bed and sleep the whole night.

Two big windows were on the opposite wall, with the view of a park covered with snow. It seemed abandoned. Maybe it was because this time of the year, outdoors was really cold. Or maybe it was because outside had become too dangerous for people walk around comfortably. Kaneki walked into the room, still hesitant as he watched Arima sit on his bed, reading some reports about the mission.

"It was you who did this?" He asked, as coldly as he could.

"No." Arima didn't even look at him as he responded; now writing something on the notebook placed on his lap. Kaneki believed the man. He was clearly as uncomfortable as he was. "I left the bed by the window for you."

His knuckles whitened as he tightened his hold on the suitcase. He was nervous. He couldn’t deny that.

"Thank you for your consideration," he replied, walking to the bed and feeling the piercing eyes finally fall on him.

Kaneki inspected the bedroom and noticed that it had a smaller room attached to it. The room had a sofa, a TV and a minibar inside. A black door led to the bathroom. The boy sat on his bed, refusing to let his eyes meet with Arima’s.

Kaneki allowed himself to sink into the soft mattress. It almost felt like he was resting on a cloud after that awful journey on the plane. All he needed now was a shower and a good night of sleep. Then, something clicked in his mind.

"They’re throwing a dinner for us tonight."

He didn't want to go, what he would do there? He already felt so out of place at the CCG. He was preparing to betray them. He was going to die by Arima's hands. No one would feel sorry for the traitor. He opened his eyes and glanced at Arima. Of course, the man was staring back at him. Kaneki lost his breath for a few seconds with those eyes on him, but quickly looked away, trying to wash away all the thoughts that threatened to fill his head. The man didn't say anything.

"We must go."

"I don't want to."

Kaneki let a small laugh fill the cold room. How very like you, Arima-san. "I expected something like that."

Arima smiled back and Kaneki could already feel his face getting hot.

"It's an order."

''Right.'' Arima sighed rubbing the bridge of his nose. ''I will take a shower...'' He placed the file on the night table and got up from the bed. Again Kaneki made the mistake of looking at him.

Those eyes were definitely inviting him to join him in the shower.

Kaneki swallowed, reaching for his bag in order to start taking his clothes out and put them in the wardrobe, trying hard to forget the scenes that invaded his mind when Arima turned the shower on, but the more he tried, the more his mind was flooded with thoughts of him and Arima in that bathroom.

Kaneki shook his head.

“Stop, you won't last a day with him in this bedroom if you keep with these thoughts,” he told himself.

You won't last…

 

***

 

The room was filled with investigators in their smart casual clothes, some of them already drunk, not even able to stand on their legs without support. Nevertheless they never let an alcoholic drink ever leave their hands. One after another. Tomorrow half of the squads would have hangover. Kaneki shook his head in disdain.

The investigators had decided to throw a small party following dinner. For good morale, they said. Kaneki however, had been standing for almost 2 hours in that exact same spot leaning against the wall, far away from others. A glass of champagne in his hand that he would take a sip from time to time but never drinking entirely, it had a bad taste but he didn't want to look awkward so he kept the glass with him.

However, the party was not just investigators drinking and eating. Someone must have decided that they needed “company”. Woman with heavy make-up and tight clothes joined the men in their night of fun and heavy drinking. They laughed and chatted, the women giving the men inviting looks. Kaneki had seen some of the investigator slipping out of the room, most likely heading upstairs to enjoy their company.

Kaneki had already dismissed a couple of women, giving some very stupid excuses but he couldn’t help himself. He was not in the mood and definitely didn't want to touch those women, he wanted...

Arima wasn't in his sight anymore. Since they had arrived at the party, he had caught only a few glances of him. Talking with Fura or Ui, eating or drinking something, but then he would disappear of his sight again so fast the boy couldn't follow it. A couple of times the man had caught his eyes on him and Kaneki would turn his head as if that had been a mistake.

Not that he gave a damn about what Arima was doing. Not at all.

Kaneki was about to finally drop the shit and go back to his bedroom when a small hand touch his shoulder.

"Hello... Haise Sasaki, right?" Kaneki turned his head to face the person. It was a woman, her brown hair falling in curls down to her chest, a very tight black dress around her body. She was beautiful.

"Yes?" He answered, still not very interested.

"I was sent by a friend of yours. He told me that you were alone and needed someone to..." She smiled, moving closer to the boy whispering as if was telling a secret. "Turn you on."

"Can I know who sent you?" Kaneki said quickly, trying not to blush.

She grinned by his act before she started to talk again. "He told me not to say who he was but... I didn't promise anything." The woman shrugged, turning his head to the crowed room, searching the person.

"There, the man close to the sofa with a blond woman."

Of course it would be him. He looked at Furuta, who was staring back. His subordinate raised a cup of champagne in his direction. Kaneki snorted.

"I'm not in the mood."

"Sure, he told me that you would say something like that." She wrapped her arm on his. "By the way, I'm Angela."

And as if the woman didn't listen to what he had said, she guided him to a room. And of course, a bunch of eyes fell on him.

 

***

 

Angela made him sit on the big sofa that almost occupied the entire room. She had not brought him to a place with bed or something and he sighed in relief.

"Seriously, I'm not in the mood." He tried again, pressing his sweaty palms on his pants when saw Angela pushing down the zipper of her dress.

"I can make you be in the mood." She assured him, turning in her way and sitting on his lap. "Unless... You don't like women?" Angela asked, raising an eyebrow.

Kaneki blushed at her question. He liked women, he even thought they were beautiful and would date them if he found them attractive. Rize was an example. But then... But then there was Kishou. The only person who he ever allowed to touch him. He could even lose his breath thinking about all things they had done when he was Haise. And still,  after their separation, after months apart, his feelings for him were as strong as always. Even after his memories…

"It's not that. It's becau..." But he couldn't finish, as the door of the room was slammed open by a blond woman who Kaneki recognized as the same woman who was with Furuta. She was pulling a man by his tie, all smiley. And then, Kaneki stared at the man who was with her, incapable of believing what his eyes were seeing.

The girl stopped in her tracks realized the room was already occupied.

"I'm so sorry, Angela! They said this room was empty!"

"It’s okay, Dani." The woman left Kaneki's lap. "We weren't doing anything anyway."

But the boy couldn't keep listening while his mind was working so noisily and fast. The man was Arima. Arima with a woman. Going into a room to do _God knows what._ Kaneki felt his cheeks burn in shame. And he was feeling guilty of being there with that girl when Kishou was... He wanted to scream. Kaneki got up from the sofa but Angela stopped him.

"No no no, you stay right there." The woman commanded, making him sit again.

"Oh girl, I know your struggle." Dani commented, guiding Arima to sit on Kaneki's side. "This one was so hard to bring here and he just came because his superiors ordered so. I need extra payment for that."

Kaneki raised an eyebrow at Arima, the man sighed, squeezing his lips, wondering if he should or not explain himself.

"I don't want this." He whispered under his breath.

"Me neither." Kaneki replied quickly, not knowing why he wanted so badly for Arima to know the truth. Arima grinned, glancing at him... and oh no. He was doing that again.

"You know what I..."

"Kishou, don't." The boy cut him, turning his head away to hide his blushing face.

The girls started talking and he and Arima were totally in silent. Sometimes he would catch Arima's eyes on him, undressing him mentally but then the boy would pretend nothing was happening, playing with his fingers, reminding himself his mission, putting his head on the one thing that mattered right now.

And if they thought the women were fools, they were totally wrong.  Angela noticed first, the way Arima looked at the boy, and following her Dani realised the struggle the pretty boy was having to hide his feelings. And that gave them a _brilliant_ idea. Without speaking anything, the two women came closer to Kaneki, taking him by his hands so the boy got up. Kaneki was lost, and he got lost even more when the women pushed him to Arima's direction, making him sit on his lap, the man quickly grabbed his thighs, not allowing him to leave. They eyes met and he felt hot all of sudden.

''It seems that there’s something going on between you two. We decided to help'' Angela purred, walking to the other side of the room, she sat on the sofa and Dani took her clothes off before sitting on her lap, kissing her.

Kaneki was taken off guard when Arima’s lips were suddenly on his neck, kissing him deeply in that spot. And as if he was driven by instinct, Kaneki threw his head back while tugging his white hair.

''Arima, we can't...'' He tried, pulling harder the other's hair, but that just resulted in a grunt and a bite on his shoulder.

''Kiss my neck.'' Arima whispered, his voice already hoarse in Kaneki's ears. The boy blushed, feeling really lost because of that request. He tried to look at Arima, but the man ran his hands down his body making him close his eyes in that forbidden pleasure.

''You are drunk.'' Kaneki didn't need to have a perfect ghoul nose to notice. ''You are so drunk…''

''Maybe I am...'' And again he took him out of his thoughts by kissing the spot under his ear. ''Do it.''

Kaneki swallowed, squeezing his lips. He felt confused, hot and vicious sensations taking over his body again, after months of hibernation. He couldn't think straight... not now when Arima was kissing and taking him so hungrily on that sofa. The boy brought his face close to Arima, burying his face in the crook of his neck. And damn... That smell, that fucking smell was there, hidden a bit because of the strong scent of the beverage, but it definitely was there, making him hard in his pants.

Kaneki brushed his lips against the warm skin, noticing Arima had shivered with the slightest touch. Gathering all his courage, he kissed it. He let his tongue run over his neck, just for once, the lovely flavor of Arima spreading on his palate. Arima's grip on his thigh tightened even more, and he felt fingers becoming entangled in his hair. The boy sucked on the sweet spot, something he knew Arima enjoyed so much, and a soft grunt came after.

Kaneki's head was dizzy but Arima didn't give him time to process what was happening when the man pulled him closer and griped his hair. The boy could just gasp and close his eyes when Kishou started to devour him, licking, kissing and sucking on his neck and collarbone. And the boy forgot everything that was happening around him. The girls on the sofa, the investigators right in the next room, his mission... Everything. It was just him and Arima, grinding at each other as if their lives depended on it. He could feel Arima's hardness under himself and Kaneki moaned loudly when he met that bulge with his own, rubbing their body for more friction. He heard Arima moan, too.

''Haise, you are good...'' The man grunted, biting his ear lobe.

He kept his hand in his hair but the other had moved to his back, pressing him closer to make him rub harder against him, squeezing his butt over his pants. The feeling of a wave of suffocating warmth was traveling down his body, reaching parts of him that had been dormant for a long time. It could be interesting if Arima slipped his fingers inside his pants, maybe he could stroking him again, like in the old times, maybe, maybe...

His eyes widened at his own thoughts while Arima was still busy devouring him. The boy was trying to calculate for how much time he had surrendered himself to Kishou. That could not happen. No, no and no.

He looked at the girls, both naked and kissing each other, enjoying themselves on the sofa, putting on a show yet probably too absorbed in their sex to pay attention to the two men.

With a lot of effort and still a little dizzy, Kaneki clumsily pushed Arima's shoulders with his hands, making the man glance at him with cloudy eyes. He tried to open his mouth and say something but Arima's swollen lips stayed open, refusing him to let any words pour out. They were begging to be kissed and.... Kaneki breathed deeply and got up from Arima's lap, not daring to face the man who probably was very angry and frustrated with the end of their...

He walked fast to the door, trying not to fall on his knees or thump on something. His legs were somewhat asleep and he still had the huge bulge in his pants. However, he needed to go, he needed to stop that. And before he left the room, Kaneki muttered ''We can't.''

Not waiting for the man's reply, he opened the door and was soon back in their shared room.

 

***

 

He was hot.

He was burning.

The blood in his veins felt like lava as a thin layer of sweat covered his body. It should already be pass 3 am and Kaneki hadn’t even blinked an eye.. He kept rolling on the bed, from one side to the other, wetting the sheets with his slippery skin, trying to erase the little game that he and Arima had played a few hours ago…

But he couldn't. Every time he closed his eyes he remembered the pretty girls in their high heels and tiny clothes kissing each other so casually, the sexual atmosphere in that room that made his head dizzy and more than anything else... Arima.

The way he held him, the sensation of his hot breath brushing the light trail of saliva on his neck. The satisfied grunt he let escape when he couldn't hold back a moan, surrendering himself for some seconds to the sensation of feeling him again. His rough hands running all over his body, under his shirt and his soft lips leaving devoted kisses all over his collarbone… _Damn_. That had awakened his feelings for the man, for once and for all. More carnal, more intense.

Arima had returned to their shared room a few minutes after he himself had arrived, he had taken shower -the second one he took that day but this time apparently cold- and went straight to bed, seemingly dozing off the second his head touched the pillow. Kaneki despite knowing that the investigation began tomorrow, stayed awake.

Even after taking his shirt and pants off, wearing only his white boxers, Kaneki still felt uncomfortable. He even drank a few bottles of water from the minibar, taking care not to wake the man. But that didn't satisfy him, no, it did not even come near doing that. Now, staring at the black ceiling of the room, Kaneki came to the conclusion that there was only one way to relieve himself.

He sighed resigned, lifting his body a little and leaning on his elbows to check on Arima, realizing that he was sleeping intensely in an awkward angle. His bare chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm and his eyes remained closed tight. Kaneki sighed again, lying on his back. He should not do it. He had promised that would not touch himself again thinking of Arima...

But he had already let the man touch him, kiss him, make him feel alive again. Kaneki had already broken the promises he had made to himself and fuck, he needed this. If he denied that feeling he would explode in flames. He could melt the bed any second now. The boy bit harder on his lips, trying not to think about what he was about to do.

He took a deep breath a few times, squeezing his lips while slowly, letting his hand go down on his belly, disappearing under the sheets. He shut his eyes harder, with his trembling fingers traveling his body until he found the waistband of his underwear. Hesitant to go ahead… Maybe he should do it in the bathroom? No, if he turned on the shower Arima would know exactly what he was doing. And he couldn't just leave the room. He swallowed, separating his legs and sinking his feet on the mattress.

Kaneki frowned when he slid the underwear down his legs, removing them and throwing to some place. He didn't bother to care. His heart was beating so fast against his ribcage that he feared that Arima could hear it. Kaneki's legs were trembling with excitement and the knot in his stomach was growing wild. His body wishing for an experienced touch, bigger hands, rougher... Hands like those of Arima. Kaneki was being silly -he knew it- wishing for something he had denied hours ago.

Despite all the warnings his brain was sending to him, he wrapped his hand around his length and started to stroke timidly, enjoying the slight sensation that had took over his body. And with a confidence that emerged from somewhere deep inside him, Kaneki firmed the touch, increasing the pace. He could feel each pore in his body shivering when he squeezed his thigh with the free hand, which was running around his entire body, making him think it was Arima caressing him.

Kaneki felt his nipples stiffen at the stimulation and his back arched slightly when he rubbed harder his thumb on the head, making him moan softly under his breath. He had already done that many times, with and without Arima. It wasn't something unusual. But ever since they had broken up, Kaneki had forbidden himself to feel that kind of feeling again.

The reason? He had one last mission to do. Save Hinami... and he will be free after that, leaving the suffering behind. After all he had been through, death didn’t feel so scary, so seem so painful... However, Kaneki knew that the moment he let Arima touch him again he would not be able to stop. He just... loved the way the man made him feel. How vivid the world could be when they were together. And he had never felt that way with anybody before, now with his memories back he was sure of that. Even his feelings for Rize now were so weak comparing to what he had for Arima.

Still... It was different. Being in that hotel room, doing such a thing, even at the risk of being caught any moment… The taste of the forbidden was too good for him to turn away from.

His fingers toyed with his balls, the pace becoming faster with passing every second, filling the room with wet sounds. His feet sank deeper into the mattress and his back was arched almost painfully. He bit so hard in his lips to suppress his moans, he could taste blood on his tongue already.

It wasn't enough.

Before, when he was Haise, probably he would have already come. But he... He needed more, as if nothing in the world could satisfy his thirst.

Kaneki took a deep breath, determined to go further, even if there was the risk of being caught. He needed this and the risk only made it more arousing. As he was stroking himself, his free hand came to his mouth. He moaned at his fingers, remembering every time Arima had done that, how he would play with his fingers, the lustful look he would give while slowly going further down in his throat… Kaneki took his fingers out, now wet from his mouth. And he started directing them to his hole, and again, his mind was invaded with thoughts of Arima.

Arima running his fingers over his skin, Arima looking at him with those grey eyes until Haise started to realize that they weren't cold anymore. When they were together, they were warm and full of desire. The delightful sounds he would make when his fingers would penetrate him, watching intently as he stretched around him. _''Good boy,_ '' The man would whisper in his ear while he was moaning from the pleasure of his fingers and when Arima curled them right in...Oh.

Good.

This was good. It was almost perfect. Kaneki squeezed his eyes shut and bit his lip, trying to stay quiet, trying to stay in control despite wanting to moan louder, his hands going harder and faster on himself, leading him to the edge of his consciousness.

His fingers were almost slipping inside him when he felt the bed sink a little bit and the sheets being removed at once from his body, leaving him completely exposed.

Kaneki froze his movements, and opened his eyes at once; his expression petrified when he spotted Arima in the dark. Kaneki could not speak, scream or give any kind of reaction. Arima’s expression was also so shocked that it appeared almost comical. His jaw was hanging open as his eyes stayed locked onto his body.

Despite the dark, Kaneki could see arousal on every bit of his face. He could hear the dirty thoughts passing thorough his mind and feel his eyes taking in the sight of his skin before falling right between his legs. Kaneki’s heart started beating harder than he thought it was possible while watching Arima eat him up with his eyes.

One hand was on his length, the other on its way behind. Sweaty and out of breath, completely exposed to the man… Arima slowly took in the sight before him, admiring the body that had changed so much in the matter of a few months. The muscles were more defined. He had lost the sweet body Haise had possessed but Arima could not deny that the boy was still hot. His nipples were red and stiff. The sight made the man’s mouth dry.

Arima dragged his eyes up until he met Kaneki's cloudy ones. The man shut his mouth, swallowing dry while settling on the bed, still kneeling in front of him, looking at the boy with a gaze filled with desire.

''Keep going,'' he demanded his voice more hoarse than usual. Kaneki shivered at the command. There was something so hot, so arousing in that voice. How he had missed it…

Kaneki was too nervous to be able to respond. He couldn't find his voice and his mind had went completely blank. He could feel himself slipping into old habits, his suppressed desired resurfacing. Still, he was hesitant. All the alarms in his head were going off, telling him to stop, to do something…

Realizing the boy was starting to panic, Arima took a deep breath seemingly trying to control his voice when he spoke again.

''I will not touch you... Haise. I just want to watch.'' He bit his lip, looking at his body in a way that made Kaneki blush. ''Let me watch you, Haise...''

The hairs on the back of his neck shivered in the same instant and he felt guilty for being aroused by that wish... For almost rolling his eyes at the pleasure he took from the thought of letting Arima watch him while he touching himself. For the first time the voices in his head were in complete silence, too intimidated by the way the man was looking at their host. They wanted to scream, tell him how this was absurd, how wrong this was…

As if Kaneki paid any attention to them.

He couldn’t deny that this was so tempting. Teasing Arima like that…He would not touch him. The man never broke his promises, this he knew for sure. Arima would just stay there, looking at him, devouring him. And Kaneki was too horny, too hot. All he wanted was to relieve the knot in his stomach, make it stop. He sighed and tried to find the confidence that was there a few minutes ago.

It was easy to retrieve it as he watched Arima growl as soon as Kaneki started to stroke himself again. The man had an unreadable expression and did not even blink as he watched the boy's hand go up and down on himself. If it was good before, now it was indescribable. Seeing him lay his piercing eyes on his skin… Kaneki knew it was driving him crazy. Allowed to watch but not to touch… It made the boy moan a little louder, touching himself with more will and faster.

And when he thought that the situation could not be better, Arima bit his lip again and slid one of his hands to inside his underwear.

_Holy shit._

Kaneki let his mouth fall open when the man started to touch himself and moaned while eating him up. His fingers stopped again for a couple of seconds to appreciate the scene playing before him. It was so rare to see Arima touching himself. It was always Haise who did the job- not that he was complaining, because he loved that but was something so unusual...

''Don't stop, Haise,'' He spoke under his breath, still moving his hand up and down inside his underwear. ''I miss...'' He stopped, rethinking his phrase. ''Show me... Let me see you.'' He voice failed, dripping with excitement.

Kaneki was trying to obey his request as if it was a demand but the only thing he wanted to do now was to keep hearing his heavy breathing, the grunts that was escaping from his throat and the wet sounds that was coming from his hands still moving on his cock while he was watching him intensely. He just couldn't concentrate when his eyes shamelessly went down on his sweaty torso, remembering every feature, every muscle. The way he would twist his wrist to go harder on himself. He closed his eyes, trying to stick to his _amazing_ plan.

He teased his hole with his fingers, moaning with the intense chills that ran down his body. He didn't need to hold back anymore. Arima was there, between his legs and very awake.

''Shit...'' He grunted, making Kaneki roll his eyes.

With his eyes closed, he let his fingers slide inside of him, imagining they were Arima's fingers and... Oh.

''Aah...'' Kaneki moaned louder this time, arching his back. He could hear Arima moaning with him.

The pleasure was increasing in such intensity he could not hold it back. Even more when he was starting to imagine Arima laying on top of him, his breath on his neck, and his voice moaning his name... Kaneki slid another finger inside, driven by the urgency of relieving the knot, while stroking his cock faster. His fingers were pushing in and out of his hole. He was trying at all costs to gain some relief. He needed it.

His feet were painfully curled on the mattress when he felt the light brush of Arima's fingers on his cock, making him gasp and lose all the air in his lungs.

''Don't touch me!'' He growled, trying to ignore the twist his cock gave at the brief contact with Arima's fingers. He was mess, shivering and panting.

''I wasn't touching you. I just wanted...'' He left the phrase hang in the air, making the boy open his eyes in curiosity.

Arima took his hand to his member, now completely exposed by his lowered underwear, spreading the precum he had stolen from him all over his length. Stroking himself and closing his eyes, making the veins of his neck rise and muscled tighten. Oh _shit_... Kaneki felt an intense pleasure at that sight. Arima naked, moaning with his eyes closed while looking like he was trying to imagine that, in fact, he was penetrating him, that he was losing himself in _his_ body.

Kaneki bit his lips and lay his head down on the bed again, his legs were trembling while he sped the pace of both hands. He added a third finger in himself and when he found his prostate... He was sure he had let a moan, just a little too loud, escape. He listened to Arima’s grunting, his breath growing heavier at Kaneki's teasing, looking at the boy he wanted so much to take. As if for some sort of provocation, Kaneki opened his legs wider, giving a better view to the man. Arima moaned and Kaneki thrusted his hips upwards, trying uselessly to meet the sound.

If he could forget just for some minutes his goal, his mission… If he could just let Arima touch him, maybe... Maybe he would let him put... _Maybe just the head_...

Oh... No. It was totally a bad idea. The worst he could come up with. It was already insane to let this much happen. He could not give in anymore.

Kaneki's fingers teasing his insides before sinking in his prostate again, already having been abused by him mercilessly. He moaned again and Arima gasped, making the boy glance at him to see the expression of utter pleasure on his face. Arima lifted his cloudy eyes to meet with Kaneki's while stroking the head of his member. The boy licked his lips unconsciously. How did he taste now, after such a long time of separation? Was it thicker, tastier? Kaneki wanted to taste him so badly. He ached for it, needed it.

The desire in Arima’s eyes was consuming him, burning in his blood… He could not hold back anymore. He needed release. As fingers hit his prostate one more time, he felt his orgasm hitting him hard.

''Arima!'' He moaned his name, arching his back and grinding his feet against the mattress. A wave of pleasure ran through his body, completely possessing his body, sliding down from his spine to his toes. It was so warm, it burned him.

Kaneki was still dizzy when he came down from his high and laid spread on the bed when he heard a stuffled moan coming from Arima as he came in his own hand, breathing in a heavy but relieved way. Silence settled in the room after that, and still his head felt heavy, his eyes feeling an urgency to shut... Kaneki stood up, a new need taking over his body.

Slowly, and clumsily because of his orgasm, he sat on the bed and calmly approached the man, who stared back at him with a confused look. He couldn’t begin to guess what the boy was up to. Kaneki’s fingers traveled among the sheets before finding Arima's warm thigh. The man frowned at Kaneki's odd gesture. Just what was he…

''Haise...'' Arima grunted when the boy touched his cock for a brief moment, doing exactly what he had done before.

Kaneki teased the man by putting his fingers into his mouth, his tongue licking the cum and tasting the man.

Delicious. Just as he had thought.

No. _Even better._

Arima was analyzing every movement coming from the boy but no way he could have expected what would come next. Caught by surprise, Kaneki leaned in and kissed him. It was quick. Their lips touched only for a moment and yet both of them moaned at the feeling.

Arima didn't move but his hold tightened on the sheets, making his knuckles turn white. Kaneki tilted his head and Arima took that as an invitation, sliding his tongue inside, but Kaneki pulled away immediately, cursing himself for attempting that stupid act in the first place.

''Good night,'' he said, smirking at the man. Arima just glanced back, watching the boy lying on the bed, his breath calming down before his eyes finally fell closed.

Arima observed him for some time before getting off the bed. Kaneki was too tired to check on him but he had the impression that he heard him go to the bathroom and stay there for some minutes. Warm sleep started to claim his body and he grunted, pleased to finally have the relief he had been craving for so long, that he had denied for so long, although the wait was good, that definitely was a night to be remembered.

He had almost fallen unconscious when he felt Arima's presence in the room again, and the last thing he heard before finally falling asleep was the confession hidden under a tired sigh.

''What are you doing to me, Kaneki?''

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! (*´꒳`*)
> 
> You can also find me on:  
> Twitter: @cryrize  
> Tumblr: kamira--chan.tumblr.com


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